Thursday, May 12, 2011

My Son Has a Girlfriend

I always wanted to have a different kind of relationship with my kids than my mom did with me.  At some point, fairly early on I think, I stopped telling my mom about anything that really mattered to me.  I'm not sure exactly why this happened, but my recollection is that I felt that she would be disapproving of some things and not really interested in others.  I was surprised, then, when I discovered that my college roommate told her mother everything -- they didn't talk on the phone perfunctorily as I did with my parents, but spent hours discussing school life, clothes, and even boys.  To me, it was almost unthinkable.

While I never expected to have that level of intimacy with my sons, I have always been hopeful that they would feel free to discuss anything and everything with me.  So it was extremely disconcerting to learn in sort of a roundabout way, that my son has a girlfriend.   Here's how it happened: I've been at home the last couple of days with my younger son who is struggling with a really bad cold bug.  So my schedule is a bit off.  Mostly I run in the mornings, but yesterday I didn't run until around 4 pm.  As I headed out, I came across my older son's school track team.  He's on the team but he wasn't with him and one of his friends on the team was more than a little noncommittal about why he wasn't at track.  (My son and I have had this discussion before and he's not allowed to randomly skip track -- he made a commitment to the team and he's supposed to honor it.)  Anyway, when I confronted him with this, first he lied to me (big mistake!) and then he admitted that he was with his girlfriend. (!)  He's not been forthcoming with any more details, which wounds me almost as much as the not-knowing in the first place and the bald lie.

So he's being grounded for the lie and my husband had "the talk" with him last night.  But I fear that things are no different between him and us than they were with me and my parents.  Was I wrong to expect more?

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